Maintenant j’ai trente-neuf ans

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Performance door Liesbeth Verhoeven Voor opening Spiegelhol2009Identiteit (14 nov. 2009)

Premièrement je veux remercier Pierre le Fixeur pour m’inviter pour cette présentation. J’aime à raconter mon histoire. Je raconte en français mais vous entendez une traduction en néerlandais.

Allereerst wil ik Pieter Vastbinder bedanken dat hij me heeft uitgenodigd een lezing te geven. Ik vertel in het Frans maar u hoort een Nederlandse vertaling.

Ça fait longtemps que je suis en train de chercher mon identité. Au fond ça dure toute ma vie déjà.

Quand j’étais une très petite fille, je jouais avec des poupées russes souvent. Et ça veut dire quelque chose. Voyez mon regard très serieus. J’étais très consciente de moi-même. Vous savez, la poupée russe est symbolique pour la phénomène de la conscience. La même condition se répète infiniment à des niveaus de plus en plus éloignés.

Qui est-ce qui je suis? Comment faut-il que je vis ma propre vie?

Alors comme tout le monde, comme vous aussi, j’avais besoin d’un modèle.

Ik ben al mijn hele leven bezig met het zoeken van mijn identiteit. Als klein meisje speelde ik vaak met matroesjkapoppen, want ik was erg serieus. U weet, de matroesjka’s staan symbool voor het verschijnsel van het bewustzijn. Dezelfde toestand herhaalt zich eindeloos op steeds verder verwijderde niveaus.

‘Wie ben ik?’ vroeg ik me af. Ik had een rolmodel nodig

Quand j’avais six ans et demi, je prenais mon père comme exemple.

Toen ik 6 ½ was, nam ik mijn vader als voorbeeld

Voici, il mangeait des escargots et moi, bien sûr, je voulais cela aussi. Je le regardais très attentivement et j’essayais de le copier.

Les efforts n’étaient pas faciles mais mon cerveau ce développait rapidement…
et j’étais sûre que je voulusse être un garçon. Et quand je serais grande un paysan. C’est que mon grand-père était paysan et qu’il avait beaucoup de jolies moutons.

Ik bestudeerde hem aandachtig en probeerde hem te kopiëren. Dat viel niet mee maar mijn brein ontwikkelde zich en ik wist zeker dat ik een jongen wilde zijn. En als ik groot zou zijn een boer. Tja, mijn vader is een boerenzoon en opa had lieve schaapjes.

Les ans passaient et je gagnais la notion de plus en plus claire que j’étais vraiment une fille et que c’est pas facile de le changer. Et, je veux bien, j’aimais les ouvrages des dames. Je brodais, je tricotais et je demandais beaucoup de tuyaus à ma mère.

Ik groeide en besefte dat ik toch echt een meisje was. En eigenlijk hield ik heel erg van handwerken. Ik sloeg aan het breien en borduren.

Quand j’avais treize ans, je voulais devenir couturière. Je ne peux pas dire qu’à ce temps là ma mère était mon exemple, mon modèle, mais quand j’y réfléchis maintenant, peut-être elle l’était! Puisque sa profession est couturière…

Toen ik 13 was, wilde ik modeontwerper worden. Als ik eraan terugdenk, geloof ik dat mijn moeder toen mijn rolmodel was. Zij was immers coupeuse van beroep.

Je dessinais et je projetais des vêtements, je ne les cousais pas réellement mais c’était pas grave.
a ce moment là je n’avais pas encore pris conscience de mon aptitude beta.
Je croissais et la puberté commençait. Comme tout le monde à cet âge je ne savais presque pas comment vivre ma vie. Le plus important et le plus déterminant c’était mes amis et mes condisciples.
J’usais mon groupe de poire comme miroir.

Ik tekende en ontwierp kleding, echt máken deed ik niet. Ik was me nog niet bewust van mijn exacte brein. Ik werd puber en net als veel pubers wist ik amper meer hoe te leven. Mijn klasgenoten werden mijn spiegel.

Et aussi mon professeur de biologie, qui s’appellait Verhoeven comme moi. C’étaient des balises. A cause de ma tête exacte et mon professeur, je choisissais à faire les études de biologie. Je l’aimais beaucoup et oui….

Ik spiegelde me ook aan mijn biologieleraar, die net als ik Verhoeven heette. Vanwege hem en mijn betahoofd, ging ik biologie studeren.

quand j’avais dix-neuf ans et demi, je savais ce que je voulais être: une écologiste qui étude l’environnement tropical! Mais quel image va bien avec une écologiste ? La recherche de mon identité continuait en toute force. Je m’associais avec mon copain pour essayer des images différentes. Il était établi de toute façon que nous nous rebellerions comme des gamins.

Toen ik 19 ½ was, wist ik wat ik wilde zijn: ecoloog in de tropen! Maar welk imago hoort daarbij? De zoektocht naar mijn identiteit ging door. Samen met mijn vriendje probeerde ik verschillende imago’s uit; ze moesten in elk geval rebels zijn. Kijk maar….

Nous avons essayé des rockstars, vous le voyez ici ……

…rocksterren…

….des rappeurs dans le tradition de Public Enemy.

…rappers…

….des hippies……et encore plus

…hippies…en nog meer

C’était une période très intense, où j’ai appris et vu beaucoup beaucoup. Ma tête était pleine, trop pleine et toujours je me demandais ce qui je suis. Je ne savais pas.

Het was een hele intense tijd, veel geleerd, veel gezien. Mijn hoofd was vol en nog steeds wist ik niet wie ik was.

Quand j’avais vingt-six ans, la seule chose que je désirais était le vide. En effet, je voulais disparaître.

Toen ik 19 ½ was, verlangde ik alleen maar naar de leegte, ik wilde verdwijnen.

Heureusement cette tristesse passait. Grace à tous les gens que j’ai demandé de me conseiller sur ma coiffure.
Je commençais à cultiver mes propres légumes et j’obéissais aux saisons et aux alentours. La vie était très simple et je découvrais qu’on ne doit pas être quelqu’un, il ne faut pas une identité.

Gelukkig ging die somberheid over, dankzij alle mensen die me advies gaven over mijn kapsel.

Ik begon een moestuin en ging met de seizoenen te leven, heel eenvoudig. Ik ontdekte dat je helemaal geen identiteit nodig hebt!

Eh bien, les ans passaient et hélas, de nouveau je me mettais à désirer d’être quelqu’un. J’avais besoin d’attention, de développement et – encore une fois – d’un modèle.

Een paar jaar ging voorbij en helaas kwam toch weer het verlangen om iemand te zijn. Ik had behoefte aan aandacht, ontwikkeling en – opnieuw – een model.

Quand j’avais trente-deus ans et demi, je choississais le couturier Paco Rabanne et cette fois-ci je cousais des vrais vêtements. Regardez quelques-uns de mes créations ici.

Toen ik 32 ½ was, koos ik de modeontwerper Paco Rabanne als rolmodel en deze keer maakte ik de kleding ook echt. Hier wat creaties.

Ça ne faisait longtemps que je suivisse ma propre route et je devenais artiste. Ma carrière prenait un grand essor et bon, vous connaissez l’histoire.

Je croiais que j’eusse trouvé mon identité ! J’ai une âme errante et et ça va bien avec une artiste n’est-ce pas ? De plus, beaucoup de gens me considèrent comme ça.

Al snel volgde ik mijn eigen pad en werd kunstenaar. Mijn carrière nam een grote vlucht, het verhaal kent u. Ik geloofde echt dat ik mezelf gevonden had! Zo’n dolende geest als ik heb past goed bij een kunstenaar en bovendien zien veel mensen mij als kunstenaar.

Mais maintenant j’ai trente-neuf ans et je sais que c’est bien différent.

Le mois dernière j’ai eu la chance de travailler dans le sud de la France, en Quercy. Là j’ai parlé beaucoup des artistes et aussi quelques fermiers. Ils étaient tous des vrais insoumis et j’ai senti qu’un d’eux deviendrait mon modèle pour le reste de ma vie.

Maar nu ben ik 39 en weet ik dat het toch anders is. Afgelopen maand heb ik in Zuid-Frankrijk gewerkt. Ik heb er veel kunstenaars en boeren gesproken, allemaal heel eigenzinnig. Ik voelde dat 1 van hen mijn voorbeeld voor het leven zou worden.

Alors j’ai copié chacun d’eux très exactement pour découvrir ce qui me va le meilleur.
Le vous montre les exemples les plus intéressants.

Ik heb ze 1 voor 1 nagedaan om uit te vinden welke identiteit het best bij me past. Hier wat voorbeelden.

Antonio Lavall, un artiste très gai. Un peu trop, et il est encore plus aveugle que moi-même.

Antonio Lavall, een hele vrolijke kunstenaar, een beetje te. En hij is nog blinder dan ikzelf.

Gaston Mouly, un homme tranquille avec une oreille écoutant. Il est assez sourd maintenant parce que les artistes qu’il a visité toute sa vie parlent beaucoup!

Gaston Mouly, een rustige man met een luisterend oor. Hij is inmiddels nogal doof vanwege het getetter van de kunstenaars die hij ontmoet.

La fille de Marie Espalieu. Marie est très fier de ses œuvres et je pense que cést pas toujours facile pour sa fille.

De dochter van Marie Espalieu. Marie is erg trots op haar werk en dat zal niet altijd makkelijk zijn voor haar dochter.

Jean-Marie Massou, un homme de ma cœur. Il transforme des sites en art. Mais il est un peu trop brut.

Jean-Marie Massou, een man naar mijn hart. Hij verandert plekken in kunst. Hij is me echter iets te rauw.

Et enfin, le fermier Froment. Et naturellement, vous devinez déjà: je veux être comme lui. Il restera mon modèle pour toujours, j’en suis sûre. Ça sent formidable, vivre comme un fermier en France. Regardez!

Je viens d’acheter une ferme près de Limogne-en-Quercy et comme vous entendez je m’occupe activement de pratiquer le français. Je peux pas attendre de cultiver la terre et de me jeter dans le vide et obéir aux saisons et aux alentours. Je commence de nouveau.
La seule chose que je me demande est s’il faut de fumer ou non.

En tenslotte boer Froment. U raadt al dat ik wil zijn als hij, een boer in Frankrijk. Ik weet zeker dat hij voor altijd mijn voorbeeld zal zijn. Ik heb net een boerderij gekocht vlakbij Limogne en ben druk bezig met Frans oefenen. Ik kan niet wachten om de aarde te bewerken, me in de leegte te storten en me te laten leiden door de seizoenen en mijn omgeving!

SOURCES:

Photos d’ Antonio Lavall et de Froment du livre de Jean-François Maurice: ‘Les insoumis de l’art du Quercy et de ses alentours du cœur’. Gazogène Éditions, Cahors.

La partie du texte qui figure en France, a été inspiré par ces images et ne vise pas à reflété la réalité. Froment par exemple n’est pas un agriculteur en réalité.

BRONVERMELDING:

Foto’s van Antonio Lavall en Froment afkomstig uit het boek ‘Les insoumis de l’art du Quercy et de ses alentours du coeur’ van Jean-François Maurice. Gazogène Éditions, Cahors.

Het tekstgedeelte dat zich afspeelt in Frankrijk, is geïnspireerd op deze foto’s en beoogt niet een weerspiegeling van de werkelijkheid te zijn. Froment is bijv. in werkelijkheid geen agrariër.

Au revoir!

Tot ziens!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dit bestand kan ook als PDF bekeken worden.

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